Caveat: this here website has about as much chance as giving you good advice as a post on a motorcycle or knitting forum. Maybe even less likely as people here are likely to share your pathologies. If you want above-average advice, you should be talking to qualified therapists.
I do note some interesting things about how you present your problem. You devoted an entire paragraph to your success and comfort. And in passing you mention that for a long time you've been rather morbid about your personal prospects past middle age. For someone who wants to talk about their depression, you'd think the emphasis there should be reversed.
I'm not saying you're bragging, I just think this indicates some potentially distorted thinking. Which is a huge opportunity for getting you out of this mess.
Some questions you might want to raise with a therapist: why did you think you'd be dead past 40 and why did you embrace that idea? Why do you present "the Wife" as the only opposition to that? You use a trope almost like your wife disapproves of you indulging in a vice, like trips to Vegas, but we're talking about the literal end of your existence.
I guarantee you'll discover interesting things, especially if your therapist uses processes like CBT and ACT, which are all about debugging your thoughts and assumptions. Also, some advice: lots of people call themnselves therapists or counselors, but I've found that those with advanced degrees are much better than not.
I do note some interesting things about how you present your problem. You devoted an entire paragraph to your success and comfort. And in passing you mention that for a long time you've been rather morbid about your personal prospects past middle age. For someone who wants to talk about their depression, you'd think the emphasis there should be reversed.
I'm not saying you're bragging, I just think this indicates some potentially distorted thinking. Which is a huge opportunity for getting you out of this mess.
Some questions you might want to raise with a therapist: why did you think you'd be dead past 40 and why did you embrace that idea? Why do you present "the Wife" as the only opposition to that? You use a trope almost like your wife disapproves of you indulging in a vice, like trips to Vegas, but we're talking about the literal end of your existence.
I guarantee you'll discover interesting things, especially if your therapist uses processes like CBT and ACT, which are all about debugging your thoughts and assumptions. Also, some advice: lots of people call themnselves therapists or counselors, but I've found that those with advanced degrees are much better than not.