Dirty little secret time - me too. I have moved around a bunch since then, and thats the case at every major metro "in the south." Norfolk considers itself the dividing line with the "real" south (which obviously starts in North Carolina), and guess how people feel about Raleigh? Even by the time that you get to Charlotte or as far as Atlanta, there is a feeling among most people that one is outside of "the south."
Know what? They are.
I would encourage you to compare any east coast city against any other. Then I would encourage you to compare an underpopulated area in Maine against an underpopulated area in Tennessee.
I live in NY now, in Westchester. I know what you mean about the difference between small towns and major cities. But the small towns up here are still different from the small towns I know from Virginia. I lived in Williamsburg for three years, and Blacksburg for a total of eight and a half years. Both times, I did think of myself as living in the South.
The difference between the DC area and all of the other cities in the South is that the DC area was actually the dividing line between the Union and the Confederacy.
NY is different from VA, that's true. But I think part of that is that you're never that far from a seriously major metro (even upstate). Have you been to Maine?
Given the distant and not-so-distant history of the South, my personal experience is that attitudes are different there than elsewhere. But, of course, that's anecdote, not data.
Know what? They are.
I would encourage you to compare any east coast city against any other. Then I would encourage you to compare an underpopulated area in Maine against an underpopulated area in Tennessee.